You gotta check out this :
http://ddddisaster.livejournal.com/303463.html

Post one, let out the world of burden. some things are not meant to be said, so type it. Be anonymour & type it. Let the whole world knows your secret. & maybe kids at the other side of the world will shed their tears or hold their chests for you. Like how I did.

I'd post when I have the guts. which probably means never. I have way too many secrets with me. I can't say 'em, & I cant tell 'em. no. no type. no write. no speak. no gestures. I can't. It sucks so bad that everytime it gets me, I just want to kill myself.

I can't go for confession. it's too embarassing. I will cry like, hell yeah, I would. I don't like crying in front of someone. some things, yeah.

__________________________________________________________________

I'm in the midst of a damned busy world. don't disturb or I'll prolly eat you up.
I still think I wont get A for science. & though I think my maths and amaths papers were okay, the results, more often than not, always dont turn out like how I want it to be. that's so ironic.

8 more papers !

I'll be a damned big liar liar if I say that I've been studying real hard.
I have not. okay. there. Gah. Next week will be a hella crazy week. I got them papers straight consecutively every day. Well okay. Five days. Five studying days, alright. MANNNNNNNN. I'm super beat. I don't know why. I swear ! I swear I won't even touch a book after O. Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. just can't wait for that.
This is whut I'd do after O.

I prolly will shout or grin widely at dionne after my POA MCQ.
I'd clean up the house the very next day, or the next saturday that's coming.
I'd shop. I'd sentosa. I'd run. I'd swim. I'd just hang out.
eh.not much to do eh. hahahaha.
anyway. I'd just linger around babes, it would be funnnnnnnnnnn ! weeee :D :D :D :D

& of course, a stay-at-home & watch-dvds with the woodie toot.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh. I'm psyched.
But fore' that. Let's sacrifice, bitches.

I should really stop living and be less chill about this Olevel thing
The game is on today, tomorrow and wednesday for this week
Oh crap. Hope I'd make it through just fine.
Oh well.

Good luck to everybody
& Practical was a mess, just to keep the memory.

Friends. they stick with you no matter what. They love you eventhough you've been a bad guy, really bad. They understand you like yourself never does.

I have friends. I had friends.

You want to know why I lost some of 'em, good souls ? Because I was too much of a complacent asshole, like always. I thought they would be around anyway, eventhough I got too lazy to sms them. Maybe, yes, they linger around me. But calling us bestfriends would be something call a lie. Usually, I would just leave it as it is because I have found myself another companions. & then, we would just smile to each other when we pass by.

Sure, I've been very busy with cindy around because I can't leave her at home, alone. I wouldn't want her to grow up like me. & yeah, course, with my revisions for Olevel. & I expect my friends to understand eventhough I dont really show up my nose around them. Like literally and expressionly. I don'tknow what's going on their lives, yeah briefly, course. No it's not their issues. It's mine. They tell me things, but more often than not, it would just pass me by.

I'm sorry. I've been there. & I know where things would go if I continue being like this. No, it's not my typicall sorry. I promise I would change. I would not take you babes for granted. I, really am, sorry.

this is an apology post. This is for the words that I can't say, because I grew up to this stage by not telling my parents or anyone, what I really want or feel. My two babes, I'm sorry. You know how much I love you guys. Losing you, beautiful souls, would mean the end of my life. That's true.

I'd try my best to be the best friend, the best sister, the best daughter, and the best gf.

On a lighter note, Amaths was okay ? . You should have seen how many buckets of tears I've let out by doing Amaths.

entry proof. checked
pensil box. checked
ez link card . checked
guts. ain't got one

Fuck. I'm so dead.
Yeah, I know I know. I'm being such a complacent asshole , once again. crap . ghahh

Man. After almost one year, I still hate you. I still feel like pulling your head apart from your body and chop your body to fucking million pieces with your head watching me. Yes I would like to do that, eventhough you would not be so alive anymore, you prolly be dead with your fucking eyes open, anyway. So if I'm lucky, your soul will be lingering around me when I do that. & then I would grab your fucking ugly soul, too, and kick that fucken thing up to the ground and shout " GO TO HELL " like literally.

Yeah, what's with the grudge and hatred, anyway ? One's bound to get hurt or hurt someone. Yeah, like whatever. I feel like fucking hate you and not feel like liking you.Not anything about you. Not everything about you. Not even one bit. Not at all.

It's just like, fucken written on your stupid face, you know. Like how fucking dumb you are ? How much of a loser you are ? Like so fucken dumb, you only have friends that stick up by you just to sing along with you ( which leads to me another point that, your singing sucks ! ) . Like so much of a fucken sore loser, you don't have anything to lose anymore. You know what else written on your face ? The rejected. The hated. The stuck-up. The asshole.

I'm mad knowing I let you do that to me. I'm mad knowing that I swallowed all my goddamned pride so you would stick around by me. I'm even madder knowing that I loved you before.

You know, you are the worst kind of human kind. You prolly would die with a huge hole up on your fucking lung, or maybe, you would die lonely because even your dearest wouldn't even stick by you. Either those, or you would die from being pulled outta your body.

You are like the typical asshole that everyone hates. or will hate, if only they know how you talk about them " good friends " of yours.

God damn you , shit. Maybe I'll drop you out of my fucking hate list, and refuse to acknowledge you at all, next year. Maybe. Or , it will just get worst.

Meanwhile, please die.

Good morning !

Might sound like your sickening average good-mornings. But noh, that's where you are totally going to get a big boo at. Sit down, please & get yourself a cup of green tea with icecubes ( & if you're kind enough, please shar it with me because it's been a week or at least 3 days since the last time I've drank green tea ) and take a look at this.

I woke up at 430. okay not exactly there. but that's when I got my butt off and decided that talking is cheap and talking my boyfriend into cleaning my wrecked-titanic house won't do both of us any good. So I got up of my bed and here it's .

• washed the mountain-high dishes
• got a good riddance of all the shitty trash I could lay my hand on
• wiped every single tables in my house
• prepared nuggets for cindy's lunch
• prepared 1-week supply of boiled water
• vacuumed 4 rooms out of five
• tidied up all the out-of-place stuffs
• changed poppy's bedding
• & mopped the floor

Gah. & I did those within two goddamned hours. Almost fainted ( no ! not because I'm such a weak asshole. I'm lacking of red blood cells, you dumbo).

So yeah. want to know why I'm wasting another ten stupid minutes of my life on this chair when I'm supposed to be bathing , and get down to books ? Because I want a recognition. Call me whatever you like, really. But this, this is not what a normal witono's member would do. I'm kind of sick of being the unsung heroes. No one's going to appreciate you for that, yeah maybe, when your deed's known. But no, I'm having O level in pretty much a week's time & I wouldn't need any of that by then.

On a lighter note, it was a good exercise. I sweat, like hell yeah, I stink now.

Okay that's all, wash you cup of green tea and get on with life, thank you. I'm going to go back to my physics or chem. It's a good thing I went out with Dionne and Hailey yesterday, or else, I would still be trapped in my reading mode, insteada' my trying mode.

Have a nice day, peepos. & I would be glad to take that cup of green tea now that you've read this.

Dad's going back today. It's sad, really. It might be just another visit at the outset, but it feels different, now. I mean, I don't know. gahh. I don't know a shit of what I'm talking about. SO, neither will you. It's only 7:19 AM . I've made milofor cindy, coffee for papa and me. & I will study physics by 8. Zhang Ao asked if I want to go school. blah. gotta pass, man. Unless it was fine for him, today.

O level is so fucking scary. So scary, it makes me want to poke your eyes. What if I'm so nervous, I'll be having cold sweat and stomachache ? What if I can't do them questions ? Oh well, I 'm so dead, bitch.

When the night falls, your name whispers in my thoughts
When then sun rises, I say a little prayer for you
so you'll pass the day just fine
When the clock ticks, my heart beats for you
You're always in my heart.
I miss you (:

so hello, maid came and went. Now, it's just me and cindy. It's really heart-wrenching looking at her hanging and ironing the clothes, preparing food for herself. awww. & all this while I thought she's still a young tiny girl. oh, her birthday's coming. I'm going to order pizza, Hailey and D would be here. weeee. Hailey and D would be a surprise, and maybe a cake , too (:

AFTER O
I would want to go shopping to buy new thin wallet, new black watch. Hours and hours in front of computer. Hours and hours hanging out with the girls without having to worry about not reading a book for a day. Hours and hours watching dvds / vcds with baby. Hours and hours taking care of cindy.

Meanwhile, please, I would want a world of mine. so.
Leave the hell alone.

How time flies & I didn't even realise that it's only 20 more days.
& I'm not even halfway prepared !

Amaths - 22 & 23
Chemistry - 24
Mathematics - 29 & 30
Malay - 31
POA - 1 & 13
Physics - 2
SS - 5
Literature - 6

Freedom - FOURTEENTH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay, studying with babes are up. I realised I couldnt study alone after 3 months of doing that. okay, I'm a loser.
Hailey's house later on and maybe for the next few nights . can I ? :D